I know that I said in my last post that my chest was hurting physically, but to be honest it has been hurting figuratively too. I have been trying to just smile through being blue, but some days that is harder than others.
I know that I should have done Wednesday Wishes yesterday, but I felt like it would have been forced and that isn't what I want this blog to be about. I want this blog to be about my truth.
So really today I am just going to offer a quick perspective on marriage. It is hard, so hard sometimes that it is easy to see why people jump ship. But marriage, my marriage anyway, is something worth fighting for. It is worth shedding a few tears for, because the good times outweigh the bad 10 to 1. It is worth talks late into the night about what needs to be fixed and hugs and promises and reminders of why we are in love. But boy, is it hard.
When we got married we took a marriage class ahead of time. It wasn't in depth and it wasn't one of those classes with a test and evaluation. It was just Josh and I talking with the man who married us. He gave us some really valuable advice that sticks with me every day. I am paraphrasing, but the main point to me was that marriage and love are a choice. There are going to be days when you wake up and you are angry and tired and maybe a little defeated, but you have to choose to work on it. Love isn't always going to feel the way it did in the beginning, it isn't always going to feel like butterflies, so you have to choose to love the person you are with. I am so thankful that I chose Joshua and that he chose me. I am thankful that we choose to spend our lives together and that there is no other option for us except to be together. But still, it is hard.
So I guess I just have to realize that it is ok to feel down and I know that tomorrow will be better. I am grateful that any issues we have are ones that can be easily remedied. I am most thankful that I love my husband and that I know he loves me, that makes everything else possible for me.
This really isn't a post for the blog, it is a post for me...I guess a lot of them have been like that lately. In fact, it is almost embarrassing to admit the things that I have written, but I am struggling to be true to myself in every way and that means opening myself up. So....I don't know why I posted this, but it feels good to get it out.