Yesterday was one of those days. I am sure that every mother out there has them but I don't think we really talk about them. I mean, I know a lot of mothers who complain about their kids and complain about the way they act, but I feel like most moms don't really talk about how hard some days are.
Yesterday John hit me and bit me and peed on the floor and threw things. Yesterday John made me angry, really truly angry for what I really think is the first time. He was obstinate and argumentative and just all around really difficult. Several times I literally had to stop and remind myself that it would be over soon and that he really wasn't doing all of this just to make me nuts. It is just part of the process of growing.
Here is the thing though, he is two and a half. He is learning and growing and feeling things out for himself. I thought about it a lot last night. I realized several things. One is that I don't always have to make excuses for him, or for myself. We all have bad days and he is no different. I cannot always control his bad days, but I do need to work on controlling my reactions. I realized that getting frustrated is human and it is ok to tell him that he needs to have his tantrums in his room. I don't need to add fuel to the fire by trying to talk to him while he is upset. I also realized, though I don't know if I will remember it the next time, that having a little boy who is having a bad day doesn't make me a bad mother. Sometimes it can feel like the eyes of every mother, single person, father, child... everyone, are watching and judging. The truth of the matter is that we have ALL been there.
After the struggle of yesterday, here is the most important part. The part that I will carry with me. John woke up and asked for me. I went in and touched his face to help him fall back asleep. He grabbed my hand with his little fingers and rolled over, snuggling my hand beside him. When I tried to move he just grabbed tighter. So I just stood there and lingered in the love that I know my child feels for me, even if we had a rough day.