The Post With No Name

Here is the story...
A few weeks ago I started going to see a lady to "talk." I guess people would call her a therapist, but that sounds so pompous and self absorbed to me. " Oh, I am going to my therapist..." blah blah blah. But the truth is the truth and that's what I have been doing. I have been on antidepressants since I was 15, that is just under half of my life. They do their job, but lately they haven't been doing their job well enough. I didn't want to go and up medication and keep on covering up whatever is going on, so I found this truly wonderful woman to talk to.
I know, I know, isn;t there someone I can talk to that doesn't require payment?? I truly wish there was. In fact, that may be one of the single greatest wishes of my life right now. I wish I had a best friend. Not my husband, not my family but a best friend who would just talk to me straight up and love me no matter what...but, I don't. Over the course of the previous few years I managed to push almost everyone away. I just completely closed in on myself. The good news is that I am fighting that instinct, and have been fighting is successfully since January of last year. In the past months I have met and befriended some amazing women and I consider myself blessed to be a community with them. Still, I want that one person. I had it, but it was a horrible, messed up relationship is some ways, and we both just had to walk away after years of friendship. So, I am still searching for that person.
In the mean-time I am "talking" to this woman and it has been one of the most liberating things I have ever done for myself. When I first met her I said, "my life is so full of blessings and I have so many reasons to be happy, so I want to learn to BE happy." Not just for a day or a week, but truly content and happy. I was just totally unable to do that because I was weighed down by my own bullshit. It has been the most amazing thing to speak my truth and then just be able to letting it go. It's like by putting it out there I can see what is real and what is my own drama/insecurity/anxiety and then I can make real decisions and leave things behind.
So, that is my truth right now. I am seeing a therapist (grimace) and I am so thankful that I took that step.

A Bit of Handmade Christmas and a small update to my craft blog

I said I would post some pictures of a few of the things I made for Christmas and I am actually following through :)

Some small I Spy bags. One has Christmas lights and the other has small cowboy items. John was actually surprisingly interested in these.

I am proud of the way that this one turned out. It is a spiral that he can trace with his finger or guide a marble though the groove. It is meant to help calm and focus someone, namely a child, as he or she silently works through the spiral. I worked the groove with a drill press and then watercolor painted the wood.

Here is the finished product of the felt board. He loves it. We play farm and add animals or hide them behind the barn.

I found a template for this teepee on someone else's blog. I don't want to be a beast, but the template was crap. The measurments she provided didn't work, so I had to fudge everything a bit. Nonetheless, I like how it turned out and John is happy with it.

I made a few things for other family members too, but I forgot to get pictures. Hopefully I will be able to get a few soon.

Also, I added a few items to my crafty shop. Some of them are items here, but there are some new earrings as well.

What the heck happened to December???

Oh my goodness, I can't believe it is January already. I don't think I posted a single thing in December, I was just so busy. To be honest, I just haven't been doing anything with blogs much lately. My crafty business has been having some small success which is keeping me busy and happy. Between that, Christmas and life, things are just full right now. I am not complaining though because that is so much better than having days that just drag on. I go a little stir crazy when I don't have things on my to do list.
Anyway, I know I need to post some pictures of Christmas and the crafts that I made. I will also be making some changes to my blog. I have just completely lost interest in things the way they are. I need to do something to draw myself back in because I miss the interactions.
Anyway, I hope everyone had an awesome holiday season. I am really looking forward to the calm that comes after all of that craziness.

Christmas Crafties

One of the things that I decided to make John for Christmas is a felt board. Josh says he remembers them from Sunday School, but I am not sure where I got the idea, as I never really did Sunday School. Anyway, mine are a little too heavy to attach to the felt without help, so I added small magnets to the back. My dad works in a machine shop so he cut me a really thin 18x18 inch metal board that I am going to cover in light blue felt. Now John can play farm to his hearts content. I think I will keep adding characters and scenes depending on his level of interest. Here are the one I have whipped up so far. I am really proud of them because I did everything by hand.

I could not get the tractor to upload correctly...boo.